If you know me, chances are that you know me as the “triathlon guy.” You see me running everyday through the neighborhoods, paths and trails in our area or maybe speeding down the mountain on my bike. I could even be giving you a friendly “wave” after you cut me off in your car! I’m confident, focused, determined, strong willed, fearless, and I am always executing my plan to 100% perfection. “We have determined this was a lie”- Maury Povich. Thanks Maury for that dynamite quote that turned into one of my favorite memes of all times (yes unfortunately I’m a millennial). You see the truth is as an athlete I’m terrified, just about all the time. That got me thinking, if I’m scared then chances are you’re scared. And I’m here to help you deal with that fear so you can put your wetsuit on as confidently as possible on race day. So if you’re ready... let's delve into the inner workings of my mind and commiserate in anxiety stemming from a sport that is merely a hobby to most of us!

What I’m afraid of...besides snakes.

Inadequacy: Thanks ego. This is probably my greatest fear as an athlete. To me this manifests as believing that I have a certain potential and if I don’t achieve that I’ll be crushed. I tell people all the time that if someone wins a race and I’m not there it drives me absolutely insane. Not because I am so full of myself and think I would have won just by showing up (that’s not how racing works FYI) but because I want to see how I stack up against everyone and anyone. I’m perfectly fine with losing to someone faster, smarter or more strategic than me, but not even having the chance to win or lose drives me insane. As an athlete, and human, I want constant testing and evaluation to prove to myself that I can be as good as I think I can be. Without that I feel like I’m just spinning the wheels with no purpose. Chances are if you’re reading this, you’re somewhat of a beginner triathlete and feel a sense of inadequacy because you don’t even know where to start. Perhaps you think everyone on race morning will be tall, tanned, super athletes and you’ll be wildly out of place. There is no sport more inclusive than triathlon, and I’ll stand by that statement. Everyone from you to Jan Frodeno was once a beginner feeling awkward, nervous, scared and yes, inadequate. Little do you know you already started your triathlon journey... you’re reading a blog about the subject. That makes you just as much of a “triathlete” as Jan Frodeno because I promise you that, in 2017, when Jan was walking the marathon in Kona, he felt inadequate.

“You don’t manifest your dreams into reality, you work your dreams into reality.”

Not meeting the expectations: Everyone and I mean everyone who steps up to a race has certain expectations whether they say them out loud or not. If someone tells you that they have zero expectations going into a race, call them a liar, right to their face...the morning before a race. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but still, they’re lying. Everyone has some sort of expectation or goal in their mind before a race and the reason a lot of people don’t say them out loud is because they are afraid to not meet them, which is 100% normal. Do a Google search about how to meet your expectations and you’ll find a lot of advice, I mean an endless amount of advice, it’s Google after all. What drives me crazy is you’ll find articles about lowering your expectations in order to meet them, having New Years Resolutions, or even “the law of attraction” (Oprah, I know you’re reading this and that book The Secret you recommended is nonsense). You don’t manifest your dreams into reality, you work your dreams into reality. Don’t lower your expectations for anything or anyone, simply work harder to attain them. My expectation is to compete for a win or place in an Ironman and that is in my brain everyday when I train. Yours might be to cross the exact same finish line at 11:59pm, so keep that in your brain everyday when you train.

How I’m viewed: I have to be the fastest person around and the fastest person I know. Spoiler alert, I’m not...yet. This drives me to wake up early, to suffer riding inside in the winter, stick to a very regimented plan and make sacrifices in my social life. I’m driven to the point that people have exitted my life because of it and I’m more than happy that they did to be honest. I don’t want a dog or a pet (ever), kids (yet), or a high pressure/paying job. If that makes you think a certain way about me, great, go ahead and keep that opinion to yourself. But... you are going to view me as the fastest person you know because I’m afraid you won’t... so I’ll make sure you will. In a more literal sense, which applies to the masses in triathlon, you might actually be afraid of how you are viewed. It’s a rare occurrence that someone likes cramming their body into a spandex triathlon kit! My advice to you regarding this subject is simple. If you’re unhappy with your body and want to change it, go for it, make a change. If you’re happy with your body and feeling social pressure to change it, see my above comment about people keeping their opinions to themselves. Trust me no matter how awkward you feel about your appearance in transition, 90% of people there feel the same way and only the rare jerk will say something behind your back. But if that happens, let me know and I’ll write a blog about “the biggest a$$ in triathlon” and trust me it won’t be yours.

Getting hurt: Warning, this is about to get real. A good friend of mine told me a while ago “every time before I clip in, I hug my kids”. Back when he told me that (5-6 years ago) I understood what he meant, obviously, but it didn’t resonate with me like it does now that I’m engaged, and have a nephew who wants to have muscles like Uncle Ben and a niece who is just starting to be able to pronounce my name. I think about it all the time. How would Caroline feel if I got hurt because I just had to go 55mph downhill? How would my parents (who lived through their youngest son being in Iraq for 9 months in 2008) feel if I took a risk and went open water swimming alone and didn’t come back? They thought the days of worrying about me risking my life were over. So yeah, I’m afraid to get hurt and so are you because if you aren’t, you’re a sociopath. Here’s my advice. Practice. Practice makes permanent. It doesn’t make perfect because perfect doesn’t exist, it makes permanent. If you practice riding outside safely, you’ll be more likely to ride outside safely. If you only practice riding inside, your risk goes up when you go outside. Practice open water swimming, with a group, partner and/or swim buoy always. Also let it be known, and this is about to be an earth shattering revelation, if you want to be less anxious in open water it starts in the pool…*gasp*! Yes, that thing triathletes neglect can actually help calm your nerves in a race! If you put together enough swim volume in the pool you’ll be more confident swimming in open water, because you’ll be a more confident swimmer. Practice makes permanent.

“Practice makes permanent. ”

Fear is a part of sports and it’s a big part of life. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s nothing you need to hide from other athletes. Everyone is afraid on race morning, before an exam in school, a presentation at work, or even before going to a family gathering around the holidays! Don’t ignore it, don’t dwell on it just keep working through it and you’ll find that accepting what you’re afraid can actually be beneficial to you. I know I’m not inadequate but that fear is the reason I’m not. I probably won’t always meet my expectations, because as I keep getting better I’ll keep expecting more out of myself (hence why I’ll keep getting better). I honestly don’t care how you view me. Call me arrogant, egotistical, cocky, etc behind my back but I’m going to make damn sure your statement goes something like “the ego of the guy who won the race today”. I don’t want to get hurt training or racing but that fear has given me the gift of empathy towards my family's struggles when I was young. It also reminds me to hug my fiance every time I leave the house, whether I’m clipping in or not.

See our previous blogs for more: